My name is Kelly and I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2015 when I was 31. I still remember vividly sitting in the doctors office with my husband and my 18month old daughter and hearing those words “I’m sorry. It’s breast cancer”. I sat there watching my happy smiling girl who was completely oblivious to the shit storm that was about to change our lives. And my first thought was, what if I don’t get to see her grow up. I turned to my husband and simply said well let’s start fighting this now.

I underwent a mastectomy and discovered it had spread to the sentinal lymph node, so then had a total lymph clearance. The hardest part of these surgeries was not being able to pick up or hug my daughter. I then did IVF to freeze embryos because there was no way in hell I was going to let cancer rob me of my dream baby. I also did genetic testing as my maternal grandmother and paternal aunt where both breast cancer survivors. The results came back inconclusive. So no gene mutations were found.

Then came the chemo. 6 months of hell. It pushed me to breaking point but we got through it. I then started on Tamoxifen which caused an array of side effects, but I focused on the big picture and got on with enjoying life with a 2 year old.

Consulting with my oncologist and breast care team in late 2016, I came off Tamoxifen and underwent an array of scans and tests.  Very fortunately, I was able to fall pregnant naturally a few months later. The pregnancy was very tough as I was not really prepared for the body changes. I had one super boob and a big bump. I avoided the mirror at all costs. I had my dream baby in November 2017.

Whilst it has been a rough few years, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Breast cancer has shown me how strong I am. It has taught me to really appreciate the little things like dancing in the kitchen to 80’s music with my 4yr old or rocking my sleeping 8month old in the chair for what seems like hours! I am a better person because of it.

 

We're so lucky to have Holly on board as one of our Confetti Rebels Ambassadors. She kicks ass in flowers, life and style. We were lucky enough to grab five minutes with her, so we asked some very pressing questions about life.

Tell us what you do for a crust
I'm a flower lover! I work all over sydney creating floral installations and arrangements for special events and weddings. I also love hosting workshops! There might be one coming up soon, so stay tuned...

Ive been so lucky to work with amazing clients and brands who love my unique aesthetic and no rules attitude to life and flowers.

What’s your preferred pick-me-up?
Coffee.... in a martini. Espresso Martinis!!!!

What's the last thing you do before bed?
When I have to head out to the markets early the following morning, I try to go to bed nice and early but usually stay up all night watching my favourite shows. I keep thinking - just one more episode... Next minute the alarm is going off at 4am!

Describe a typical working day?
Every day is so different! I head out to the flower markets a couple of times a week to check out whats in season and collect my goodies to use for various events. Sometimes I'm sourcing props and styling elements. Other days I'm searching the interweb for hard to find elements, occasionally I get lost and find myself online shopping for new shoes.

People always say - you are so lucky you have the best job! But it really is hard work to manage all aspects of the business.... from designing concepts, meetings, flower markets, my midday nap, midnight bump outs and all the millions of emails in between there isn't time for much else! But I love it and wouldn't have it any other way. Although living on an island and surviving on margaritas wouldn't be so bad either.

Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 how weird you are.
I would say i'm a 1. Everyone else would say 10. I just don't know why! Is it the glasses?

What would your autobiography be called?
Holly Hipwell The Helicopter Hostess (that was one of my first jobs)

Describe your life using film titles.
"You've got mail". Because I always have emails and never find the time to respond.

Tell us about Ruffy…
Oh RUFFY! Shes my 4 legged friend. I am a total dog fanatic. I will literally drop to my knees in the street when I see a cute pup walking by. I am like a fairy god / dog mother to a few furry friends - I steal them from their backyards when the owners aren't home and take them for outings. Ruffy is my number one pal. Its funny because people often say - Oh where is your dog? ... and I don't actually own one.

HH x

You can check out Holly's FABULOUS creations here!

I guess you're all wondering what is happening right about now? This new name? These new things, oh ma gawd. SOMEBODY TELL ME!!? 

Confetti Rebels is a move forward from Fox and Beau. I originally started Fox and Beau back in 2013 with my best friend. We specialised in greeting cards and absolutely threw everything we had at our past knowledge of business. It was great. Weekends were for markets, weeknights were for wine and brainstorming. But then we moved on. Babies were had and new business ventures were made and although I kept putting my heart and soul into Fox and Beau, I was getting little back.

 After having children, and different outlooks on life I found a window to take the company into a different direction. I decided to make t-shirts. My slogans translate so well on cards, so why not move into apparel? I am NOT a fashionable person, in fact, one would question my colour matching choices and eccentric shoes, but one thing I know is that I need to feel COMFORTABLE in what I'm in. I've found my t-shirts make people happy, make people laugh, and make a memorable mark on your soul. THAT IS WHAT I WANT. All my slogans are original, designed by me and meant to make any woman feel proud of themselves, and feel like they can wake up, and kick ass that day.

So, are you up for it? Come and take a front row seat and follow where I'm heading next. I promise you I won't disappoint.

x Amy

Depression.

God. It doesn’t matter how you say it. It sounds like SHIT.

I hear so many people loosely say "I'm depressed", "life's so tough" and "I can’t bear it anymore". And I wonder if they mean it? Is life REALLY that bad? How can I help? What can I do? And then as quickly as it's said, I’ve forgotten it just as fast. I feel terrible because I now know that I AM one of those people. The only problem is I have never said it in those terms, in fact, I’ve never said it at all. I guess in the past I have self diagnosed myself and talked myself out of the way I feel, leaving me back to where I started not wanting to take any action. I think that my problems are rather small compared to what others are going through, but after a long battle with my mind telling me to "get over it" I decided to go and talk to someone. Well, actually my doctor suggested it after I broke down in front of him after a routine "female" checkup. The poor guy, he couldn't get me out of there sooner.

Most of you that know me probably could never guess that I suffer from a form of depression, PND to be exact. There, I said it. And it's bloody hard to say it as I'm usually the happy one, the one that oozes positivity. But sadly that positivity left my heart the day I lost my second parent. Another death, another parent gone, and as upsetting as it was, I needed to go on. And I did, but my head and heart are two different entities and both were/are at war with each other. My head keeps telling me to move on and live life, but my heart keeps pulling me back, and pulling me into a big deep cave full of emptiness and failure. Where did this all come from? Fucked if I know. But it's there, and it's annoying the shit out me.

I knew there was something wrong soon after Leo was born. No matter what I did, I never felt good enough. Wow, that's such a common term, but so cruel. After the end of the day, I never felt as if I achieved anything. Things started spiralling out of control after 2 years of his existence and my anxiety didn't go away. Whenever I planned an outing, I immediately wrote out a list (yes, a list on paper) of worse case scenarios, and after writing to the bottom of the page of what "could" go wrong, I ended up locking the door and staying inside. WHERE DID AMY GO? This was NOT me. I used to jump at every opportunity to get out, but now I had a temperamental small child that sometimes turned into a heap of mess and I realised I couldn't deal with it. No matter how often or how hard my husband tried to tell me how amazing I was, and what I'd achieved, it still wasn't good enough. I didn't know who I had to prove everything to, and it was killing me why I cared so much.

So, I upped and took myself to a physiologist. And as I filled out the forms in her office, that big question came up "Have you ever self harmed or wanted to self harm?"". It's safe to say I have NEVER had those thoughts, and doubt I ever will, so then I second guessed myself thinking maybe my current state of mind couldn’t warrant a visit to the therapist. Was I just overreacting? Maybe I just had a bad week, and before she could get my info sheet off me I was already running out the door. I felt I had failed myself. I couldn’t even commit to this. So the next week, I swallowed my pride and sought help.

Now I'm not going to go into details about what we talked about, but all I can say is that I feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted off me, and we've only done three sessions. I've found someone I can connect with and in that hour per week she IS THERE FOR ME. No one else, it's all about me. I know I've always loved attention, I love being part of the spotlight, but this is a different attention, and all I can say is I am so thankful that there are people out there that CAN help.

I'm far from better or cured so to speak, in fact, I know it'll be a long road, but thinking that my problems aren't valid is a HUGE part of the issue, so realizing that and getting help is the best move I can make. No one is is going to do it. Also being ashamed to feel this way was weighing down on me so much, my confidence levels were at an all time low. Any kind of constructive criticism or dig at me would leave me having a restless night sleep caring about why the other person said what they said. WHO CARES? WHO GIVES A SHIT? Me apparently.

Anyway, it's an ongoing battle, but it's getting easier as I go along, and that dark road is getting a little nicer each step I take.

So, next time you see me, don't ask if I'm okay, because I am. I'm fine, I'm happy, I'm thankful. I have two beautiful little ones, an amazing and loving husband, and a supportive family. And for now, that's just fine with me.

​x Amy.

The word tribe is being thrown around a lot lately. Tribe this, tribe that. Village here, village that. But what does it actually mean? Now I'm not going to go into a quaint analogy of what the word "tribe" means. You can google that yourself. But what I will do is go into what the word "tribe" means for me.

With Leo, I found it very hard to adjust to my new life. In previous posts, I've openly discussed my PND, and how I overcame it. But I wonder now, if I had a fantastic support system, if I'd even have had it altogether. On days where I felt like nothing would end, and how I would ever get through it, I was deflated. I felt like giving up. I never knew such a tiny person could have such a stranglehold over your life. Every day was the same. We'd wake, feed, sleep, I'd sit around watching daytime TV and repeat, repeat, repeat. I felt like a drone. 

Now I'm not saying mother's group wasn't great. It truly was. I met some lovely young mums there and I thank the health system for such a great platform for new mums to get together and talk "baby". But I found myself, in week four of our catch ups, lying in this test they did to see if I had PND. I was sat down (with my screaming baby mind you) and asked to perform a test so to speak. I've never been good at tests, but I'm great at lying, and this was one I passed with flying colours. Now I look back, I wish there was a better approach, a more one on one approach. Not just stuck in front of a computer screen and asked to rate my feelings on a 1-10 scale and I was PETRIFIED if I scored lower than 4, I would fail. I was already failing, so I didn't want an "average" test to make me feel any shittier than it already did. 

As I walked out, I already heard a few mums chatting outside about how they felt the test was a "waste of time" because they passed it with flying colours, and immediately, I was one of them, on the outside I was anyway. 

So, two years later it came back to haunt me, and even though I sought help (AMAZING help might I add) I still felt alone. Even though I had all the help in the world, I still felt empty and I kept my yearning for another child at bay because I was petrified this would happen again. 

Fast forward another two more years, and I have found what I call a "village". They all don't know each other, but they know me, and are there for me at any beck and call. Some are a stones throw away (literally) and others are just around the corner, but I have found a bunch of girls that I can relate to and it's AWESOME. Chatting on messenger about how shit our kids are that day, what wine we are drinking and how we're going to get through the week is a daily ocurrance, and I LOVE it. Without these girls, I don't think I'd be in the same headspace. You know who you are, and I thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I may be a loud personality, but I find it bloody hard to express my feelings, so thank you, times a thousand...

 

x Amy